Thank you to all who have submitted the following jokes, puns and actual hilarious events to The Laughing Corner! Use the Submit A Joke! form to submit your joke, pun or actual hilarious event!
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink.
The bartender says "We don't serve mushrooms here."
The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fun guy!"
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict.." His order comes a while later, and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap.
He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?"
The waiter sings, "Theres no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
A neutron goes into a restaurant and asks the waiter, "How much for a meal?" The waiter replies, "For you, no charge."
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?"
"No, I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive!"
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's novocaine during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents.
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal" (pronounced "em all") The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins-if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
How Do You Catch A Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
How Do You Catch A Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't Work?
A Stick.
What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Sinko.
What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
Q:What do you call fishing when you don't catch any fish?
A:Drowning worms!
Q:Why did the bubble gum cross the road?
A:It was stuck to the chickens foot!
What Do You Call A Rabbit With The Fleas?
Answer: Bugs Bunny
Why Didn't The Chicken Cross The Road?
Answer: Because It Was Chicken
Why Did The Elephant Cross The Road?
Answer: The Chicken Was On Vacation
Why did the policeman run onto the baseball field?
Answer: The runner stole 2nd base
Thank you Jesiah for these humor-O's!
Knock-Knock.
Who's There?
Georgia.
Georgia Who?
George o' the jungle.
Thank you Bull for this Knock-Knock joke!
What do you call a fly with no wings?
Answer: A Walk.
When geese fly in a V formation, do you know why one side is longer than the other?
Answer: Cause there is more geese on that side.
Thank you Donna for these great jokes!
Farmer Joe was in an accident and decided his injuries were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,"' asked the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, "Well. I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'".
Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say."
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun still in his hand and looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"
Thank you Jeannie for this submission!
An Actual Event...
My friend's little boy, Travis was learning how to write in cursive. When a family with a baby visited their home, Travis listened intently to the babies babbling! Perplexed Travis looked at his Mom and said, "He must be speaking in cursive, I can't understand a word he says."
Submitted by Tammy Miller on November 8, 1997
Charity's Top Ten Uses for Holiday Fruitcake
10. Use to drive nails for hanging pictures when you can't find a hammer.
9. Alternative housing. Collect fruitcakes until you have enough to build a new home. Great insulative value. Beats straw bale construction to pieces.
8. Use as a geometric model - rectangular prism.
7. Keep until next year. Change the wrapping and give it to someone else, preferably the individual who gave your son that blinking fireman's helmet with the 3-way siren.
6. Use as the shotput for your next Homeschool Co-Op Track Meet. Winner HAS to take it home.
5. Use as counterweight for your next physics lesson.
4. Use to spongepaint your bathroom walls. Creates interesting textures and patterns.
3. In icy regions, use as traction under the wheels of your car.
2. Wrap in fabric that matches your decor and use as a doorstop or bookend.
And the number #1 use for Holiday Fruitcake...
1. Use during your next Family Devotions for an object lesson discussing "Christ the Solid Rock".
-Charity Lovelace copyright, 1997
Submitted by Charity Lovelace on November 3, 1997
One morning, while doing our morning Bible study, I was explaining to my 7 yo son that God, in His great love and mercy, provided a garment of animal skin for Adam and Eve to cover their nakedness after they sined. Sensing that his mind was trailing off, I asked him, "Now what did God clothe Adam and Eve with?" After a long, puzzled looking pause he said..."Varments?" (Incorrect, but not so far from the truth, huh?)
Submitted by Pam Heath on November 3, 1997
A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup. She asked "Honey why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?" Her grandson replied, "You know grandma it's like on TV, "The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup."
Submitted by Dana O'Sullivan on October 31, 1997
Mother: What's the difference between a toothbrush and a hairbrush?
Child: I don't know...what?
Mother: So! You're the one!
Submitted by Jordan on October 29, 1997
One day Bubba was applying for a job. The boss who was to do the hiring asked what Bubba's qualifications were. Bubba said, "I know everybody." The boss replied, "You can't know EVERYBODY!" And Bubba said, "I do, try me, tell me anem and I tell you if I know them."
The boss said, "How about Arnold Schwarzeneggar?" Bubba said "Yeah, I know Arnold." The boss didn't beleive him, so they flew off to Los Angeles. When they got to Hollywood they found Arnold, and Bubba said "Hi Arnold!" Arnold replied "Hi Bubba!" And they hugged and talked for 30 minutes catching up with each other.
The boss said, "Well, you know Arnold, but you can't know EVERYBODY. You can't know the prseident."
Bubba said, "Yes I know the president." So they flew to Washington DC, went to the White House and saw Bill Clinton walking by. Bubba called out "Hey Bill!" President Clinton turned around and said "Hi Bubba!" They hugged and spent thirty minutes catching up on old times.
The boss was impressed, but he still doubted Bubba. "Ok, so you know Arnold and you know the president, but you can't really know everybody."
"I do" insisted Bubba.
The boss replied, "Oh yeah? Do you know...the Pope?"
"Sure I do," said Bubba.
So they flew off to Vatican city. The pope was about to make a speach at ST. Peter's Basillica. A crowd was gathering, and in the middle of the large crowd Bubba and the boss became seperated. The boss was looking all around the crowd for several minutes for Bubba, when he noticed Bubba up on the balcony with the pope. He was staring in amazement when somebody in the crowd elbowed him and asked, "Who is that up there with Bubba?"
Submitted by John Kroger on October 28, 1997
OBITUARY
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.
Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one in the oven.
The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.
Submitted by Renee Mathis on October 24, 1997
true story
I work night shift, and I call home close to my family's bedtime to say goodnight. One night I called as my daughters were doing laundry. My 7 year old daughter Hannah, answered the phone. After the normal greetings she said..."Mom, the girls said you've been wearing Satan's underwear." I laughed at first and then became concerned with what her sisters were telling her. So I asked her to repeat what she said. "They said you have Satan's underwear!" Now, the question marks are flying around my head. Finally, Maggie, the oldest, gets on the phone... "Mom! We said you have SATIN underwear!"
I should probably blush from this whole scenario, but I think it's too funny to not share.
Submitted by Jen RN on October 21, 1997
One Sunday in church a little boy took off his tie and put it into the offering plate.
"What are you doing?" asked his mother.
"What the minister said," answered the little boy. "He told us to give our ties and offerings."
Submitted by BethM on October 15, 1997
Ponder Over These?
- How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
- If it was only a 3 hour cruise, why did Mrs. Howell have so many clothes?
- Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.
- What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way?
- If "CON" is the opposite of "PRO"....then what is the opposite of PROGRESS?
- Why is Lemon Juice mostly artificial ingredients....but Dish Washing Liquid contains real lemons.
- How much deeper would the oceans be, if Sponges didn't grow in them?
- Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
- Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's?"
- If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
- If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
- What's another word for synonym?
- Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
- Why isn't there "mouse-flavored" cat food?
- Why do they report power outages on TV?
- If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
- If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Submitted by Uncle Josh on October 15, 1997
You Might Be A HOME SCHOOLER If É
- You have to move dirty laundry off your desk before you can study.
- Your school bus is a nine-passenger van.
- You consider schoolwork after lunch to be cruel and unusual punishment.
- Your social life is viewed by others to be one rung below that of a Benedictine monk.
- Your father has ever told you to tell the checkout lady at Wal-Mart "We're on a field trip."
- All the signatures on your graduation diploma end in the same last name.
- Your yearbook is also your baby book.
- Your biology class curriculum consists of watching your baby brother or sisters home birth.
- Your teacher has ever written your report card on a napkin.
- Your first real date is on your honeymoon.
- Bill Gothard's birthday is a school holiday.
Question: How can you tell if you're upside down?
How?
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you could be upside down!!!
Submitted by Lesa Kuhnert on October 2, 1997
Question: What does a mother buffalo say to her son when he leaves?
A: Bye-son!
Submitted by Nathan Varnagatas on September 30, 1997
True Story:
When my children were little, one Summer, my youngest son lost a small piece to one of his toys out in the lawn. He was afraid to look for the piece because of a hornet that was buzzing around the vicinity. His older brother volunteered to find the toy piece despite the hornet. A few minutes later, my son returned with a triumphant grin on his face and the piece to the toy in his hand.
"You know what, Dad," he said, "this was a case of 'Wasp-and-Found!'"
Submitted by Steve Garriott on September 30, 1997
Question: Why did the skeleton go to the movies alone?
Answer: Because he didn't have any body to go with him.
Submitted by Melinda Meginness on September 29, 1997
Question: What do you get when you put 50 pigs with 50 deer?
Answer: 100 sows and bucks.
Submitted by Amy Comstock on September 25, 1997
A momma mouse was taking her young daughter through the woods for the first time, to see her grandmother. They scurried cautiously along until they saw a big cat in their way. The cat had seen them and its eyes were fixed on them intently! All of a sudden, momma mouse gave her best "Ruff, BARK BARK BARK, growl!" The cat darted away as fast as lightning! She nodded her head wisely toward her young one. "Now do you see the importance of learning a second language?"
Submitted by Sis on September 19, 1997
I gave the assignment of creating sentences using spelling words to my three daughters. Maggie had been putting up with a great deal of torment from her younger sibling Lisa. Two of her words were "serious" and "knuckle". Her sentence was this..."I hit Lisa so hard, I left a serious knuckle print in her forehead."
Submitted by Jen Fuchs on September 15, 1997
One night, Adam and God were walking in the garden. God said to Adam, "If you will give me an arm, I'll make you a companion." Adam replied, "Can I think about it?" The next night God asked Adam if he had thought about it. Adam said, "Yes...but what would you give me for a rib?"
Submitted by Amanda Padgett on September 14, 1997
A man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter approaches the man and asks him what he would like. The man says, "I'll have a steak...and make it lean." The waiter says, "O.K. Which way?"
Submitted by John E. Padgett, III on September 14, 1997
One sunny day in Jerusalem a tourist was watching one of the local Jews who was deep in prayer at the wailing wall. The tourist watched for quite some time and then walked over to the man at the wall and asked, "Do your prayers ever get answered?" "No!" the man answered. "I feel like I'm talking to a wall!"
Submitted by CAROLYNN VARNAGATAS September 13, 1997
My reluctant reader one day begged me to check out a Goosebumps book at the library. Surprised at his request due to his timid nature, I finally gave in. That afternoon he was intently reading on the front porch when I came out to check on his progress. He looked at me solemnly and said, "Mom, this isn't a very good book and I think it's Titantic".
Submitted by Dana O'Sullivan on September 13, 1997
What do you call it when a homeschool mom talks to herself?
A Parent/Teacher Conference!
Submitted by Lynne on September 2, 1997
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the skunk and the possom that it could be done.
Submitted by Paul Pipenberg on August 25, 1997
One summer day three pastors were in a boat out on a large lake fishing. Suddenly one of the pastor's pagers started beeping, he quickly turned it off, said that he had to go, stepped out of the boat, and walked the mile and a half on the water to the shore and disappeared into the distance! Soon the second pastor was paged at which time he also left the boat and walked on the water to the shore and headed the same way as the first pastor. As the third pastor sat fishing and pondering his friends' departure, his pager beeped; at the same time his friends reappeared at the water's edge. The third pastor considering what he had seen said to himself, "If they can do it, so can I!" and promptly stepped out of the boat, sinking immediately to the bottom of the lake! The two pastor's watching from the shore looked at each other and said simultaneously, "Do you think we should have told him where the rocks are?"
Submitted by Carolynn Varnagatas on August 26, 1997
King: Fool, I summon you to death,because you have offended me!
Fool: DEATH?!?!?
King: OK, You have been a good fool. I will let you let you choose your manner of death!
Fool: I choose to die of old age!!
Submitted by Casandra Rhoads on August 27, 1997
"You know what the difference between a school textbook and an onion is?"
"What?"
"Most people don't cry when you cut up a textbook!!!"
Submitted by Isaac Waring
"You know what you call a cow that has had it's baby?"
"What?"
"De-calfinated!"
"What do you call a cow with no legs?"
"What?"
"Ground Beef!"
"What do you call a cow that only has its right legs?"
"What?"
"Lean Beef!"
Submitted by Michael Waring
Moses, Jesus, and another person were out playing golf one day.
Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green.
The third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there it bounces onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolls down into the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily pad where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.
Moses then turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."
Submitted by Dave Giles
My 5 yr. old son asked me one day, "Why is our state called Pennsylvania". I gave a very thoughtful and clear explanation of it being named after William Penn (or so I thought). "Oh..I get it, they call it Pencil-vania - because a pencil is like a pen".
Submitted by Valerie
Question: "Why doesn't a frog jump when he's sad?"
Answer: "Because he's UNHOPPY!!!"
From Dick & Joy Schroeder
Question: "What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?"
Answer: "Flood Lights!!!"
From Dick & Joy Schroeder
A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry.
A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidently hit this rabbit and killed it."
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 metres away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 metres, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 metres.
The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, " What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.
It said: " 'Hare Spray' Restores Life to Dead Hare. Adds Permanent Wave."
Submitted by Jan Webb
Inscribed in stone over the great front doors of an old church being restored was: "This Is The Gate Of Heaven." Just below it someone had placed a small cardboard sign which read: "Please Use Other Entrance."
Submitted by Jan Webb
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. One small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
Submitted by Jan Webb
A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas Cards. "What denomination?" asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 30 Catholic, 10 Baptist ones, 20 Lutheran, and 40 Presbyterian."
Submitted by Jan Webb
During a children's sermon the pastor asked the children what "Amen" means. A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means --- Tha-tha-tha-that's all, folks!"
Submitted by Jan Webb
Confirmation students were asked to list the Ten Commandments in any order. One student wrote, "3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, and 7."
Submitted by Jan Webb
A woman went to the beach with her children. Her 4-yr-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead sea gull lay in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked.
"He died and went to heaven," she replied.
The child thought for a moment, then said, "And God threw him back down?"
Submitted by Jan Webb
Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner.
One said "Ya know, since summer started i've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away.
Another said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away."
The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church ..... Haven't seen one back since" !!!
Submitted by Jan Webb
The Lord's Horse
A man went into town one day to buy a horse. When he arrived in town he saw a horse standing by the road side with a sign next to it saying "Lord's Horse: $100" The man was most intrigued by this so he inquired of the owner what that sign meant.
The owner explained "This horse is different from any horse you've ever seen. Instead of going at giddy-up and stopping at woah, the horse starts when you say 'Hallelujah' and will go faster if it is said again, and will stop when you say 'amen'." The man was not convinced but he bought the horse anyway.
When he got home he decided to take the horse for a ride. He got on the horse and to test what the owner had said, he said "Giddy-up" but nothing happened. The man then said "Hallelujah" and the horse took off. Surprised and pleased and wanting to go faster, he said "Hallelujah" again.
Before he knew it, the horse was going very, very fast. The man then noticed that he was headed straight for the edge of a cliff. He pulled on the reins and cried out "woah" many times trying to get the horse to stop. Finally he decided to pray. He said, "God, please stop this horse so that I don't die. I have a family to support and don't want to let them down...'amen'." At this the horse stopped...right at the edge of the cliff.
The man was so happy, he cried out, "Praise the Lord!!! Hallelujah..."
Submitted by Jan Webb
A pastor I know of uses a standard liturgy for funerals. To personalize each service, he enters a "find and replace" command into his word processor. The computer then finds the name of the deceased from the previous funeral and replaces it with the name of the deceased for the upcoming one.
Not long ago, the pastor told the computer to find the name "Mary" and replace it with "Edna." The next morning, the funeral was going smoothly until the congregation intoned the Apostles' Creed. "Jesus Christ," they read from the preprinted program "born of the Virgin Edna."
Submitted by Jan Webb
TRUE STORY:
When my husband took our sons Matt, 5 years old, and Nathan, 3 years old, to see the elk in Elk Grove Village, IL, Nathan was amazed at the size of the animals. When one nosed his way up to the fence, my husband asked Nathan what the elk's name was. With all the dignity a 3 year old wearing a ten-gallon hat can muster, he turned and announced, "HOLY COW!"
Submitted by Carolynn Varnagatas
Q: How do you know if you're dealing with a Homeschool Mom?
A: The only furniture she's interested in is bookshelves!
Submitted by Pam Streeter
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents."
A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?" The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."
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